Daycare Blues

     Today was a big day for our family and kind of a tough one for Mom and Pop. This afternoon, I left our son at daycare for the first time. We thought about what would work best and decided to try 3 days/wk.  I don't care how well you know someone, to leave your kid with anyone is an exercise in trust, let alone someone you don't know besides an interview or two. Granted, both of us spoke with the daycare provider and felt okay about it but still, as I dropped him off today, I wondered if I was doing right by him? After all, my smiley son can't speak for himself yet. I am an advocate for him, before anyone else.

      I have found myself wondering if I am being selfish in wanting/needing/desiring the time to start my law practice? Do I really really need to send him to daycare? Honestly, the answer to both of those questions at least a little bit is "yes." After all, as my many blog readers/followers know, I came up with a great routine. The truth is that although I tried it out I was not disciplined enough to follow it. When I reexamine it, I realize that may be because the schedule was theoretically possible but not practical. It left no time for me to devote to my marriage, to goof around, be silly, etc., nor did it allow for me to spend any quality time with my family as a whole. Further, naptimes were crucial for the success of that plan but our little one "decided" very shortly after that post to sleep for a 2.5 hours during the day, total, instead of close to four.

       The bottom line was and is that if this law firm is going to work, I need time during the workday to actually build this business, to seek after new clientele, and figure out daily operations while also teaching myself the nuts and bolts of the day-to-day practice of law. Normal business hours are when you can go to court.  Normal business hours are when you can make phone calls and actually reach the insurance company, make it to the post office or library, attend networking lunches, take CLE (continuing legal education) courses, etc. etc. These are the things I need to do to be able to get to that point where we are comfortable financially and I can support my family. I guess I am just struggling today with what is the most "valuable" use of my time. I have been staying home for my family while at the same time, feel like it is my duty and obligation to benefit them financially too.